Breaking Up with Imposter Syndrome: A Birthday Resolution - Descript

Speaker: 00:00:03

Welcome to the art of attention,

where we focus on what matters most

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in your business with your host, Tina

Kay Davis, a multi business owner who

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knows the struggle of ADHD firsthand.

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Navigate the maze of distractions with

real tips, real talk, and real success.

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Ready to dive in?

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Let's get to work.

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Microphone (Yeti Stereo Microphone):

Today is my 47th birthday.

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And I am breaking up with

my imposter syndrome.

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My name is Tina Davis and my

birthday resolution is to break

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up with my imposter voice.

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And finally get to work without fear.

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This breakup might not be forever because

my imposter has been with me my entire

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life, but she and I, we need to take

a break and really get things done.

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I've had a podcast for awhile.

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If you've listened before.

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Welcome back.

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I have taken quite a bit of time

off because I really wasn't feeling

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that I was being true to myself.

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Every thing I have put out there

in the past, whether it be on

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video podcast or even just a lot

of the coaching that I've done.

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Has been for someone else, someone

else's journey, someone else's vision.

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And I don't mean like an

alternate personality.

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I'm talking literally for someone else.

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It was someone else's platform.

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even though it was my message

and my video, it was air to

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somewhere else or used in someone

else's course, things like that.

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And I really couldn't be my

true self because it was there.

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Platform.

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Right.

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So this is the first time that I'm

really going to just come at this as me.

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I've had a lot going on in

the last six months to a year.

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when I first started my video

and audio journey, I was

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working full-time in corporate.

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I had that coveted, you know, Job

that had really, really great income.

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I was able to do a lot of

things outside of work.

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I run a wildlife sanctuary.

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I'm a wildlife rehabber, there's nothing

to do with what I did in corporate.

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But because of that corporate

income, I was able to do that.

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But at the end of a 2023, That corporate

life at 17 years of corporate life,

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just at that company, not my total.

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I'm a lot older than that.

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it came to a crashing halt and

I basically lost my identity.

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A couple months after that.

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I went down the divorce path.

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And so in the last few months I have

been on my own, trying to start.

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back up again in my own business, I'll

get into all that at another time,

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but there's been a lot of things going

on and part of getting back into my

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own business, my personal business.

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was a lot of fear and a

lot of imposter syndrome.

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And so she's been really, really hard

to deal with this imposter voice.

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And it's pushed me back on

my timeline quite a bit.

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The purpose of this

episode is really for me.

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And the significance of it being recorded

today is that this is a new, a new

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year for me because it's my birthday.

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I can't do things where I started on the

first of the month or the first of the

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year, because that's too overwhelming.

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I feel like there's no real significance

because it's everyone else's journey too.

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But for a birthday, this

is really just your own.

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It's a good kicking off point.

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That's my personal opinion.

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Don't come from me.

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I just really need something for my.

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My ADHD brain to grasp onto.

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And my birthday is my starting point.

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And that's what I can accept right now.

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And I need something.

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I do want to re-introduce who I

am, because I don't think anyone

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really, truly knows, because like I

said, I have been gone for a while.

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Also.

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I wasn't being myself.

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I was close, but I wasn't my true self.

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So my entire life I've always

believed that I was supposed

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to run my own business.

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I have no idea what that

business was going to be.

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I still don't really know

what I was shooting for.

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I just knew that I was going to be.

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The one in charge.

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I was going to do the thing.

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I went down.

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A long path of, selling myself short.

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And believing in myself because there

had been people in my life, both of

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which were the two main characters

were teachers that derailed me a little

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bit by just one thing that they said.

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And basically that was, well,

you're not going to be more than a

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secretary and although there's nothing

wrong with being a secretary or

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administrative assistant or an admin.

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That's not what my journey was.

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And all the kids around me were saying

they wanted to be this and that.

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And they were praised for it,

but it kept coming back in

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the second and seventh grade.

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So two completely different

schools where the feeling was.

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By people around me that I wasn't going

to be much, and this is my educators

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telling me, so I had to believe it right.

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It wasn't until my mid forties that I

actually found out that I have ADHD.

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I spent 16 years being treated for and

diagnosed as having bipolar disorder.

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And nothing working well,

I bet it wouldn't work.

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It was the wrong damn thing.

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And so I struggled a lot as

an adult because I didn't

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know what was wrong with me.

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I just knew in my head.

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That I had to work extra hard

to prove that I was valuable.

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And yet the extra hard was hard to

do because I couldn't stay focused.

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Now, when I get in the zone, when I get

into beast mode or whatever you want to

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call it, like, deep work, focused work,

whatever it is when I get, when I tap into

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that, it's over like, look out, I'm not

going to come up for air until I'm done.

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And that could be hours.

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Days I will work until

the project is perfect.

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And it's going to be good.

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That's exactly how my brain functions.

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With ADHD came a lot of things, a lot of

symptoms that I really didn't understand.

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So I struggled with why

those were blocking me now.

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I don't believe for one second, that

imposter syndrome is isolated to ADHD.

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And I really do not believe that

the majority of the world has ADHD.

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Like it would like you would think,

I've done a lot of reading and research

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because I wanted to understand myself and.

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You know, less than 2% of people.

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Truly have the type of ADHD I have.

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But if you're in a room.

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Full of people.

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If you have a hundred people in a room.

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Less than 6% are actually going

to have the mental illness.

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ADHD.

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But over half 60% usually are going

to raise their hand and say, yep.

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I'm ADHD because they're

distracted or they can't focus.

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Since that's the, that's

the world we live in.

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There are things that came along with

ADHD that y'all, I don't even not explain

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that the fact that my skin can't touch the

counter, or my desk, There's just little

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nuances that are just ridiculous that I

had to understand and learn to live with.

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And I should have known that

having to, cut out every tag

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and wrap my bra strap in tissue.

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So I couldn't feel the class

ever since I was a little bitty.

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There was something more to that.

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And I just didn't know it.

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Nobody knew it.

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It was a seventies and eighties.

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Okay.

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My ADHD.

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Is not going to become who I am and

that's not going to be my whole story.

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And that's definitely not going to be

my whole podcast or my whole journey.

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But because of my inability

to stay focused when I am.

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not quite in that zone.

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I had to figure that part out

and I had to nail it down.

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because it was pushing me back

on the timeline every time.

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I tried to nail it down.

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I got scared away from it.

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Like we don't need to look into this.

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Just stay the course, do

what everyone else does.

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Go back to corporate.

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You know, what it turned out to be is

my imposter syndrome, my imposter voice,

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who I called Dallas and her nagging,

little sidekick who I call chains.

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I'll explain both of them later.

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They were, who were running me off of

trying to get to the end of my journey.

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And so this challenge is this new

month for me, this birthday resolution.

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It's to sit Dallas and chains down

and just put them in a corner.

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Like you're on a shelf,

you're in a corner.

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You're in a box you're

taking the month off.

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Okay.

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Because I'm going to do this next month.

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Without you and see what happens because

I've never known the outcome without

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those two idiots in my ear, in my head.

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And by the way, I know full well that that

is just my internal voice, but she's got

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a name and her, so does her little friend.

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By the way I'm dying

over here, I'm choking.

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So I'm going to edit this out.

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So this journey that I'm on is to

truly see what life would be like as

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an entrepreneur and just a 47 year old

woman, without these voices in my head.

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So we're going to do this together, or.

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I'm going to put this out there

in the universe as a way of,

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accountability for myself.

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But we can do this together.

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If you want to follow

along with the journey.

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Where this whole podcast originated from

was me trying to get the message out

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there to women entrepreneurs who were

struggling to stay focused because I

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can tap into things to help me focus.

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I can do the things that helped me

stay organized and prioritize my day.

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I know how to do all those things.

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But what I was missing is.

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How do I continue to do all those things?

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But also stay ahead of my

imposter syndrome the entire time.

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So I'm still going to stay

true to what my story is.

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And that is how to stay focused, how

to get things done, because I know how

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to do those things, but now we're going

to do them without those stupid voices.

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The struggles that I have gone through,

not including the being laid off after

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17 years or the breakup after 19 years,

we're not talking about that kind of

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stuff as being my personal struggles.

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Those are just additional things that

happened at the end of the last year.

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That really kind of derailed my progress

and helped Dallas and chains, my imposter

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voice kind of, speak a little louder.

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See, most of the time I'm able to

get things done because my will, my

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desire to be, to prove my value, right.

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To be valuable.

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Is a little bit stronger

than her voice, right?

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But lately in the last few

months, her voice has just

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been a little more audible and.

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I need to do something about that big

before it becomes a true lifelong pattern.

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I'm not putting up with her, right.

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I cannot re go backwards in life.

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I have this opportunity

to make it for myself.

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And she's not getting in the way.

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And so my experience, my personal

experience is going to be, you

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know, what has been holding

me back in my business life.

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And how to deal with it.

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And that is Dallas and

I are going toe to toe.

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To me, Dallas is the imposter voice.

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That is the one that's telling me.

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I'm not educated enough.

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I'm not smart enough.

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I'm not good enough.

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I'm not pretty enough.

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I'm not all the enough's.

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What are people going to think?

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What are we able to say?

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Chains is that voice?

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That keeps me distracted.

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She's the voice that keeps me

scrolling that dooms scroll to prevent

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me from getting the thing done.

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Basically Dallas has

already talked me out of it.

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So change is in there to make

sure that I listened to Dallas.

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And so the breakup decision that I've

made has to be for the both of them.

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I have to break up with both the

imposter syndrome voice and the black

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hole of distraction at the same time.

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I still get things done, but I'd

like to know what it feels like to

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believe that I deserve the outcome.

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Right.

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I'm good at getting things done.

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I can get anything done,

but can I truly believe.

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And an, except that I am worthy of

the outcome, we're going to find out.

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My personal goals are to make sure that

Dallas and chains don't creep over.

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And come back into my life

during this challenge.

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In the times where I'm not working,

because if she can step foot in that

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space, it trails over into the other.

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Because a lot of times, especially

when you're working for yourself,

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There's no definitive line, right?

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You don't get to clock out,

leave the office, change clothes.

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When you get home, when

you know you're home.

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that was a lot of struggle with

working from home the whole time

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is that you're always at home.

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So when is it working?

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When is it not.

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But Dallas and chance cannot

come over into my personal space.

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I am going to continue on my

public declaration because

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this is my accountability.

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So as part of my goals, I will continue

to make sure that I put myself out

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there with my progress in this journey.

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I have no idea what it looks like to

truly believe I deserve the outcome.

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So we'll all see what it looks

like in the end together.

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That is my public declaration.

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Now my business goals, I do

have multiple businesses.

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So it is not just this podcast

or just my mentor, a membership.

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Or the coaching that I do.

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Or the coffee company that I have, or

the, Boutique that I just launched.

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It is all the things, right.

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The business is what does say businesses.

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our, my business goal, I've got

to participate, show up and do the

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things and all of the businesses

throughout the entire month or

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throughout the entire challenge.

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Without letting those

voices get in the way.

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I've always, like I said, been able to

get things done, but now we're going to

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get things done without listening to that

fear voice, which means that I'm going

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to be doing things that I haven't done.

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Because I'm not going to let fear stop me.

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that's the goal anyway.

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That's what I'm working on.

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My action plan is going

to be pretty fluid.

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I like to have cards.

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I like to have things posted, you

know, but I'm going to allow myself

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to change and adapt as I go, but I

have outlined what I need to get done.

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And that is the basics are

I need to show up on video.

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I need to get my content out there.

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And this is across all the businesses.

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So it's not just this one.

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It is to get products

out when they're due.

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And the due dates are

for me, it's one a week.

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Right?

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That's my outline.

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I don't know that that's

good for everyone.

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So don't make a plan for yourself based

off of what other people are doing.

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I can't drop a product for

every company every day.

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Now for the boutique new things drop

every day for the coffee company.

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Well, we don't have new

coffee dropping all the time.

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That's not really possible,

but you know, decorative bags

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or new Mertz that's possible.

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It's just not going to be

on a daily or weekly basis.

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products for the mentorship.

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I'd like to be able to do at least one

new product every, every couple of weeks.

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and for coaching, I'm really going

to do just one, Key product maybe

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a month, maybe every two months.

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So my products, my action plan is

around products showing up, Going live.

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I have an outline of the

things that I need to do, and

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I'm going to stick to that.

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And I'm not trying to publish

all that for you guys here

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that I don't want to bore you.

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I'm probably rambling too much as

it is, but I do have an outline for

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myself and I did outline it for each

business and I have personal things

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that are mixed in there too, because

this developing that I'm trying to do is

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for both my personal and business life.

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What I will say as a tip for everyone.

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Is that imposter syndrome is overwhelming.

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But it is all in your head.

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I know that's bullshit that

you don't want to hear.

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But to me, when I define imposter

syndrome, I know you're supposed

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to say all the things like while

it's this voice in your head that

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tells you you're not good enough.

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You're not smart enough.

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You're not qualified enough.

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People are going to

judge you all the things.

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But in reality, when you look at

the definition, Imposter means.

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Fake someone that's not

supposed to be there.

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It's.

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It's it's made up.

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And syndrome.

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Is an illness and symptoms

and things that are going on.

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And in reality, that is a fake illness.

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Now there is a deeper definition.

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I am sure.

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But to me, this is saying

that this bullshit in my head.

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Is made up by me for the purpose

of distracting and scaring me.

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No one else is doing this.

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And if I really stop and use logic, I

don't care what other people truly think.

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what's happening is that my brain

puts more emphasis on how I believe

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: 00:16:04

I care what other people think,

because it's not really true.

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: 00:16:07

Not if not in logic logical terms.

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: 00:16:09

I don't really.

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: 00:16:11

Base a lot of things around what

other people think and feel.

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: 00:16:15

Okay.

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: 00:16:16

One tip I'm going to offer to anyone

listening is that because imposter

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: 00:16:21

syndrome is so overwhelming, you

really have to stop and, and.

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: 00:16:27

Identify what your imposter

is keeping you from.

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: 00:16:30

I know what mine is keeping me from,

and that is putting myself out there

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: 00:16:34

for fear of rejection, failure,

all the things, the normal things.

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: 00:16:36

But in reality, for me, Imposter syndrome.

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: 00:16:40

Isn't real.

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: 00:16:41

I know this.

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: 00:16:42

I can shake hands with her and say,

Dallas, you're not even a thing.

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: 00:16:46

You're a voice in my head.

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: 00:16:47

And you're my voice in my head.

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: 00:16:49

But I don't work in

reality most of the time.

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: 00:16:51

And I don't think

everybody else does either.

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: 00:16:54

We work in what our

environment puts us in.

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: 00:16:58

We work in what our brain and

our thoughts are putting us in.

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: 00:17:01

And that is fear we're

in fear all the time.

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: 00:17:03

That's what imposter syndrome is.

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: 00:17:04

it's a way to scare ourselves.

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: 00:17:06

It is overwhelming.

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: 00:17:07

You have to really identify what

your imposter is trying to keep you

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: 00:17:10

from, and then use time management

techniques and self-care routines and

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: 00:17:15

mindfulness practices to keep that voice.

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: 00:17:19

In check you've got to find out what

the voice is trying to keep you from.

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: 00:17:23

find out what your voice

is trying to keep you from.

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: 00:17:27

And then find a way to make sure that you

have managed your time and your self-care

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: 00:17:33

whether it's meditating or visualization,

whatever your mindfulness practices around

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: 00:17:37

what you're really trying to accomplish.

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: 00:17:39

you've got to put whatever you're

trying to accomplish back into

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: 00:17:42

play in order to beat that voice.

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: 00:17:44

I want to stress to everybody that this

is a community and I am big on support.

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: 00:17:49

So if you want to share your goals

and your progress, That's perfect.

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: 00:17:53

I would love to hear it.

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: 00:17:54

I'm going to share mine.

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: 00:17:55

this can be a two-way street.

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: 00:17:56

I'm very open to hearing what

you guys are doing as well.

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: 00:18:00

I do want to make sure that this is

beneficial to somebody else out there.

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: 00:18:03

So if you are going through this

with me, please let me know.

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: 00:18:06

I'm not really sure what type of heartfelt

motivational message I'm supposed to give

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: 00:18:11

here, but I want you to know that we can

all break up with our imposter syndrome.

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: 00:18:16

This fake voice in our head is not

going to keep us from all of our goals.

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: 00:18:20

We are going to always have that voice.

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: 00:18:23

I'm not saying it'll go away

and I'm not even pretending

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: 00:18:25

like Dallas is going to go away.

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: 00:18:27

But it is possible.

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: 00:18:28

I know it is because I have shut

her down before I never had a

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: 00:18:31

problem with her in corporate.

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: 00:18:33

I never had a problem with

her in the animal sanctuary.

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: 00:18:36

I only have a problem with

her when it's about me, when

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: 00:18:40

it's my own personal journey.

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: 00:18:42

So I know that it's possible to

sit those impostor voices down

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: 00:18:45

and move forward through our fear.

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: 00:18:48

My call to action to you is to do

at least one thing a day that sits

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: 00:18:52

your imposter syndrome in a corner.

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: 00:18:53

We all have an imposter

voice that we're human.

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: 00:18:56

And we all can work through our

imposter voice, but some of us

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: 00:19:00

struggle with it more than others.

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: 00:19:01

And I'm inviting all of you

as your call to action to just

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: 00:19:05

sit there, imposter voice down.

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: 00:19:07

For little things here and there until

it becomes possible to do it, like in

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: 00:19:11

a challenge, like what I'm doing here.

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: 00:19:13

That is my challenge to you.

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: 00:19:15

So, let me know if you have a

name for your imposter, for what

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: 00:19:19

your imposter keeps you from.

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: 00:19:21

If you don't already have a

name, let me tell you what it

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: 00:19:23

really helps to give it one.

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: 00:19:25

I'm not sure what the next episode is

going to look like, but I do want to put

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: 00:19:29

it out there into the universe that I will

have one and I will have one after that.

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: 00:19:33

And this journey is going to

be well-documented because

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: 00:19:35

this is my birthday resolution.

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: 00:19:39

I want to thank everyone that listened in

for joining me and supporting my journey.

396

: 00:19:44

I hope to hear about

your journeys as well.

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: 00:19:46

There's a lot of ways to get ahold

of me or follow me through social

398

: 00:19:49

media email, things like that.

399

: 00:19:50

Those will be down in whatever show

notes or details are available.

400

: 00:19:54

Wherever I park this sucker.

401

: 00:19:55

I do want to say that

all of this is possible.

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: 00:19:57

We can all work through our fear.

403

: 00:19:59

I don't know what my journey is going

to look like, but I know that I'm

404

: 00:20:02

going to go through this journey with.

405

: 00:20:05

My eyes wide open and

my imposter in a corner.

406

: 00:20:08

I'll wave at her every once in a while,

but I'm not going to miss her or.

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: 00:20:12

Whatsoever.

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: 00:20:13

So from one.

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: 00:20:15

Woman entrepreneur to another.

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: 00:20:17

We got this, we can all just put

that voice aside and get to work.

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: 00:20:22

Everything out there that

we want to do is possible.

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: 00:20:26

We just have this fearful

voice that is our own voice.

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: 00:20:30

Keeping us from taking the baby

steps that help us get it done.

414

: 00:20:33

But you know what?

415

: 00:20:34

we'll all make it through in the end.

416

: 00:20:36

So let's just do this together and

get through our imposter voice and

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: 00:20:40

see what happens when we can truly

accept that we deserve the outcome.

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: 00:20:45

Until next time, let's just get to work.

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: 00:20:58

Thank you so much for

listening to today's episode.

420

: 00:21:01

Remember, you are not

defined by distraction.

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: 00:21:05

Apply something you've learned today

in your own business and share it with

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: 00:21:09

all your easily distracted friends.